I’ve always been a fat girl, I was a fat girl, I’m a fat woman. And my Dad saw me going out to a party once, and I was wearing hot pants, purple hot pants, really ill advised. And I was about to leave the house, and my dad saw me, so he called me in and asked me to sit down.
And I thought, “Euh, I’m going to get ‘The Talk’ now, the “get home early” talk.
But he said, “Okay, you’re wearing very short shorts”, and I said, “Yeah, that’s what you do”, like ‘you’re the fool’.
And he said: “Yeah, well, wearing those shorts the way you are is going to attract a lot of attention, from a lot of men.” So that slightly dumbfounded me. And then he said, “Listen, you deserve all of that attention, because you are a beautiful princess. You are the most beautiful girl at that party and you deserve that attention. But, because you are the most beautiful girl there, you must the choose the right boy. Do not give your attention to the wrong boy.
And never, never, think yourself other than absolutely fantastic.
So I went out that night feeling like a Queen, and I didn’t talk to any boys, because they didn’t deserve me.
I love how she almost drops it until she smells it and that flashbulb memory hits.
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real … Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
This is Marshall, one of my favorite people. He’s a talented musician, A+ merch guy, and one of the nicest humans I’ve ever met. He had a quality Instagram with tons of great posts, but he recently had to start over. If you like, you can follow (or re-follow) his new account at @marshalltraver_. I promise you won’t regret it! Also if you follow, please consider tagging me in his latest post so I can have a Skype call because I miss his face a lot and it’d make me really, really happy. Thaaanks! 😊
NOOOO NO NO NONO FUCK FUCK FUCKIG CBS IS TELLING WOMEN NOT TO REPORT SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE IT WILL “DAMAGE THEIR CAREERS” and “HARASSMENT IS AN UNFORTUNATE PART OF CLIMBING THE LADDER” I AM SO ANGRY THEY ARE LITERALLY TURNING SEXUAL HARASSMENT INTO A NORM THIS IS NOT OKAY
This is an actual article and I’m still having a hard time believing it’s real.
What the actual fuck
Sometimes I’ll catch myself noticing the constant fear I have to carry that my friends do not. It became particularly apparent to me when I left the train station one night in Brooklyn and I didn’t know where I was and was waiting for a ride. My boyfriend had his back turned away from the street and was texting up against the fence. He wasn’t aware of every person who walked by or every sound that was coming close or every shadow that moved a little closer. But I was. I would not turn my back away from the street.
And again it was apparent when I learned what kind of cabs are the kind of cabs a lady should take. How it’s never safe to take the subway alone at night and you should always get a cab…but it has to be a yellow cab. You should collect all of the information about the cab when you first get inside because you being a woman who is tired and alone with a man is always a hazard. That’s what they write Law & Order episodes about.
You always have to be 5 steps ahead, even if it’s probably fine. Even if you’re tired. Even if your feet hurt.
I admit that at a very young age I was taught to never get into a car with a stranger, like all little girls are taught. To never walk alone, like all little girls are taught, but at what time is it safe to be a woman who is existing. A woman who cannot rely on a man to escort her to her apartment at 3am? and so I fear black cabs, I’m uneasy in the classic NYC yellow checkered cab and I absolutely feel like using a Lyft or Uber is a hazard. I will look behind me when I walk, no matter where I am. I will put my music so low I could almost hear a pin drop. I will walk fast and I will always be 5 steps ahead.
And you can say, yes, this world is dangerous for everyone. But my friends, who are men in their 20s and 30s, go out and drink. They stumble home on the subway alone into the poor, dangerous areas we live because we are all artists who cannot afford nice things. They are so drunk they can barely see straight, and they are almost always fine.
I travel the world for a living now, and am almost never left alone unless I’m home. My friends ask me why I’ve stopped visiting, why I never come over or never stay long, and I only do if I have a boyfriend or someone to come home with. They think it’s because I travel alot and am busy, or I forgot them, or I’m tired. It’s not because I’ve forgotten anything. It’s because I am afraid to go alone. I am afraid of the sun setting. I am always worried about how to get home and so, I just stay in.
And that is just another way in which the world lets you know that everyone is in charge of you except yourself, unless you choose to do nothing at all.